Twitter policy

I’ve decided to formulate a policy for dealing with the less funtastic aspects of Twitter. This will be updated over time. I reserve the right to modify/disregard any part of the policy just because I feel like it. I also reserve the right to clog your timeline with pugs and that Vine of Liz Kendall winking to “Careless Whisper”.


Alternative media

Standard operating procedure for dealing with those who retweet “alternative media” outlets into my timeline:

First time: Quiet tut. 

Second time: Polite objection. 

Third time: Block.

For the purposes of the Act, “alternative media” include but are not limited to:

  • Russia Today
  • Press TV
  • Sputnik
  • The Canary
  • Veterans Today
  • Novara Media
  • Newsnet
  • Infowars
  • Rense
  • Alison Weir
  • Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting
  • Electronic Intifada
  • Wayne Madsen
  • Ponsonby Post

Alt-Right

Tweet them a graphic of America’s growing Hispanic population, enjoy their pain, then block.

Anti-Semites

Am Yisrael chai. Block.

Anti-Zionists

See Anti-Semites.

Badges

More than one on a Twitter pic: Block.

Beliebers

This doesn’t come up often but: Block.

Blocking

Chauvinists

Is your country the United States? No? Then sit down and shut up; it’s not the greatest on Earth. Block.

Corbynistas

Kindly thank them for destroying the Labour Party, then block.

Corporate views

Not my views.

Couthiness

‘Wee Ruthie’, ‘Stevie Boy’, and other provincial expressions: Block.

‘Cuck’, ‘Cuckservative’

Weep for the future of Abraham Lincoln’s party, then block.

Cybernats

Kindly thank them for destroying the SNP at some point in the future, then block.

Directioners

Mute. (Meh, they’re less annoying than the other lot.)

Dr Éoin Clarke

Take away his Photoshop licence. Block.

Duncan Hothersall

Mute. Block. Report for spam. Delete Twitter. Move to rural Idaho and forgo the internet forevermore.

Flags

Only in small doses. More than one: Mute.

Haters

Block. (Life, like Marco Rubio, is too short.)

Haterz

Are, I’m reliably informed, gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Hatters, Mad

Back through the looking glass with you, lads.

Hatters, Tinfoil

Block. I don’t care if the Bilderbergers are beaming messages through your fillings.

#HunkyJim

Mmmm….

Kippers, smoked

Delicious.

Kippers, U

Deranged.

‘Lazy journalism’

Block.

Muting

My views

Not corporate views.

Neo-Nazis

Tweet them Israel’s GDP and population statistics then block.

Pamela Geller

Block. Twice. Just to be sure.

Paul Mason

Mock not block.

‘Rothschild’

Block.

Terrorist groupies

Ask why they keep joining the Labour Party. Block.

Trolls who target @biscuit_ersed 

Snark then block.

‘Wee Nippy’

Sign of male inadequacy/hatred of a strong woman. Block.

‘Whisky Export Duty’

Redirect to @kevverage. Mute.

Feature image © Creative Tools by Creative Commons 2.0.

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