Twitter policy

I’ve decided to formulate a policy for dealing with the less funtastic aspects of Twitter. This will be updated over time. I reserve the right to modify/disregard any part of the policy just because I feel like it. I also reserve the right to clog your timeline with pugs and that Vine of Liz Kendall winking to “Careless Whisper”.

Alternative media

Standard operating procedure for dealing with those who retweet “alternative media” outlets into my timeline:

First time: Quiet tut. 

Second time: Polite objection. 

Third time: Unfollow.

For the purposes of the Act, “alternative media” include but are not limited to: Russia Today, Press TV, Sputnik, The Canary, Veterans Today, Novara Media, Newsnet, Infowars, Rense, Alison Weir, Electronic Intifada, Wayne Madsen, Ponsonby Post, SKWAWKBOX, Evolve Politics.


Tweet them a graphic of America’s growing Hispanic population, enjoy their pain, then block.


Am Yisrael chai. Block.


See Anti-Semites.


More than one on a Twitter pic: Block.


This doesn’t come up often but: Block.



Is your country the United States? No? Then sit down and shut up; it’s not the greatest on Earth. Block.


Kindly thank them for destroying the Labour Party, then block.

Corporate views

Not my views.


‘Wee Ruthie’, ‘Stevie Boy’, and other provincial expressions: Block.

‘Cuck’, ‘Cuckservative’

Weep for the future of Abraham Lincoln’s party, then block.


Kindly thank them for destroying the SNP at some point in the future, then block.


Mute. (Meh, they’re less annoying than the other lot.)

Dr Éoin Clarke

Take away his Photoshop licence. Block.

Duncan Hothersall

Mute. Block. Report for spam. Delete Twitter. Move to rural Idaho and forgo the internet forevermore.


Only in small doses. More than one: Mute.


Block. (Life, like Marco Rubio, is too short.)


Are, I’m reliably informed, gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Hatters, Mad

Back through the looking glass with you, lads.

Hatters, Tinfoil

Block. I don’t care if the Bilderbergers are beaming messages through your fillings.



Kippers, smoked


Kippers, U


‘Lazy journalism’



My views

Not corporate views.


Tweet them Israel’s GDP and population statistics then block.

Pamela Geller

Block. Twice. Just to be sure.

Paul Mason

Mock not block.



Terrorist groupies

Ask why they keep joining the Labour Party. Block.

Trolls who target @biscuit_ersed 

Snark then block.

‘Wee Nippy’

Sign of male inadequacy/hatred of a strong woman. Block.

‘Whisky Export Duty’

Redirect to @kevverage. Mute.

Feature image © Creative Tools by Creative Commons 2.0.

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